Decaf- What's the Point?

I’ll get right to it. I am completely 100% over every coffee shop and restaurant in my hood not serving decaf. Today when I tried to get one from a new joint, the barista just shrugged and said, “I guess the owner just thinks it’s a waste of money. Sorry.” The guy behind me in line, who thought he was being flirty? I guess? Anyway… he said, “Decaf? What’s the point? Heh heh.”

I’ll tell you what the mother-loving point is! The point is, I WANT TO DRINK IT!

For some, coffee simply exists to wake them up, to keep them up, to focus, etc… but for some of us, coffee also, if we’re in a decent joint, tastes good. The smell and taste of coffee reminds us of cold and rainy or snowy college days in cafes working on papers, reading Kerouac, writing in journals, cute hippie baristas and literati.

I don’t smoke anymore, but one of my fondest memories from college is sitting in a window seat at the Trident Café in Boston, smoking a cigarette (you could smoke indoors then) looking at all the people going by, writing about them in my journal, and drinking coffee. I would do this sometimes all day long, and at a certain point, if I didn’t switch to decaf, I would either have had a heart attack, or my head would have spun off my neck. Whichever came first.

Now I find that if I have more than one cup of real coffee in a day, I have bad chain reactions: my heart races, I get nervous, I can’t focus, I can’t sleep at night, then I need more coffee the next day because I didn’t get any sleep because of the coffee. My father, mother and mother-in-law can drink nothing but decaf because of high blood pressure, hypertension and anxiety issues. But the thing is, they like the taste. They like the ritual and they like the nostalgia. I’m the same way. I like the memories that the smell of freshly ground coffee stirs up in me. Sometimes it brings up emotions related to times I’d all but forgotten about, and I like that. I like the atmosphere in coffee shops as long as the music isn’t too loud. Sometimes I have tea, but usually I want some decaf.

Consider the following related to my scent-addiction to coffee: Researchers know that odors don't trigger memories that are any more accurate than the memories triggered by other stimuli, but odors do trigger memories that are more emotional. For example, a person may have no emotional reaction to seeing a photo of a loved one who died. But that person may unexpectedly encounter the same smell particular to the loved one's study - a combination of cigarettes and books, for instance - and feel like weeping, said Rachel Herz, professor of psychology at Brown University. "We often don't encounter certain odors frequently," said Herz. "In some way you are potentially more vulnerable to odors ... and taken unaware."1

This explains so much of my life and my strong reaction to certain smells: suntan lotion, Vicks Vapo-Rub, baby powder, Listerine, old books, pipe smoke, Drakkar cologne and coffee. I used to drink six to eight cups of that stuff in one form or other every day. The first thing I packed in the car to move anywhere? The coffee pot.

I could say to people who drink skim milk, “What’s the point?” but I respect the fact that whatever their reason for drinking it is, they probably like the taste of milk but can’t or don’t want to have all the fat. Gluten-free bread and pastries? Low-fat cheese? 98% fat-free ground beef? Whole wheat pasta? Egg beaters? What the hell is the point of all these things? Light or non-alcoholic beer? If someone ordered a non-alcoholic beer at a restaurant, don’t you think it would be a little rude to say to them, “Heh! What’s the point?” The point is, these foods and drinks wouldn’t exist if people didn’t want them, and people want them because they want the taste without the negative effects the “real” versions offer. (In some cases there’s no real research to back up the choices, but hey, whatever rules you live by are your rules.)

To the café owner who thinks you’re wasting money by buying and serving decaf coffee: buy it cheap, brew it strong, and brew a ½ pot at a time. I’ve worked in many restaurants and coffee shops in my day and we always had decaf available and we pleased those local customers who wanted to come spend their money on us rather than any of the other choices they had for their patronage. Those loyal few sometimes brought friends who became regulars too. How is that a waste of money? You’d rather turn customers away than have a few more people devoted to your business? Would you go to a soup and salad place that only served cream-based soups? Or what if they only served vegetable-based soups? You’re a freaking coffee shop. I expect you to have the only two megakinds of coffee available: Regular and decaf. I’m sorry, but I just don’t consider you a true coffee shop these days without it.

Photo: stock
1-Kristen Cole